In today’s fast paced world, we husbands tend to feel overwhelmed at times by the tasks and obligations that we are
responsible for. There is a real danger here in this lifestyle – it gets very easy to lose sight of the priorities that should
be guiding us in our responsibilities to our wives, our children, and the Lord.
We are going to break down the priorities that we, as husbands/fathers should be living by.
Priority #1: LOVE GOD
Being a Godly husband is not learning the newest, and most acceptable techniques. It is also not learning the newest,
and most accepted relational skills. We can read all of the books on these subjects we want, written by all of the latest
“gurus” of each subject matter, and it won’t make a bit of difference.
Being a Godly husband begins by being a Godly man. Being a Godly man begins with loving God ABOVE ALL ELSE.
This means loving God above yourself, your family, your wife, your children, your job, all of your possessions, etc… It
means exactly what it says – love God ABOVE ALL ELSE!
Deuteronomy 6:5 – 9
5You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6“And these words
which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of
them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 8You shall bind
them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9You shall write them on the doorposts
of your house and on your gates
When Jesus was talking to the Scribes, one of them asked Him which was the first commandment. His reply was:
Mark 12:29 – 30
29Jesus answered him, “The first of all the commandments is: Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.
And you shall love the Lord your God, with all of your heart, and with all of your soul, and with all of your mind,
and with all of your strength. This is the first commandment.”
This is the greatest commandment because God made us first and foremost to be in a relationship with Himself. This is
the very foundation of our lives, and of our marriages. If God is NOT the greatest priority in your life, then you will have
no foundation upon which to build your lives or your marriages. Your marriage, and your life will most likely have very
little meaning. Today’s divorce rate is a prime example of how little meaning our marriages have anymore.
Loving God above all else means obedience. Loving God above all else is not first and foremost a feeling, it is first and
foremost obedience to His word. Here’s what Jesus had to say about this:
John 14:21
21“He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by
My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”
Loving God above all else will mean praying steadfastly, and repenting of any known sin in our lives. We must also
surrender COMPLETE control of our lives to God. This simply means that we must let God run our lives, not try to run
our lives by ourselves. When we try to be in control of our lives, and try to guide our lives (and the lives of our family)
through our own will, and our own wisdom, we can really mess things up.
Don’t wait until things are really messed up before you turn to God. Instead, each and every day turn to God for
guidance, wisdom, love, and strength. Strive each day to enhance your personal relationship with God. He is standing
right beside you, with His arms open wide. All you have to do is to turn to Him, and embrace Him. Once you learn to do
that, He will guide you each day to be the best husband, father, and man that you can be.
Loving God above all else will mean that we are seeking every day to cultivate our relationship with Him. This is done
primarily through daily reading of His Word, prayer, and fellowship with other believers through church, and with
spending time together.
Spending most of your free time with non-believers from work, social gatherings, etc… does nothing to improve your
relationship with God, and does nothing to improve your standing as a Godly husband/father. Instead, learn to spend
time with believers. This may mean a radical lifestyle change for some, but it is a necessity if you want to truly become a
Godly husband, and have a closer relationship with God.
Understand, I am not telling you to stay away from non-believers, and have nothing to do with them. This would be
almost impossible to do since we work with non-believers, have neighbors who are non-believers, and have family
members that are non-believers. I am simply saying that in order to cultivate a closer relationship with God, and to have
a closer daily walk with Him, we must learn to spend more of our time seeking God, and less time seeking pleasure and
acceptance from our fellow man.
Priority #2: LOVE YOUR WIFE
So, how exactly SHOULD we love our wives? Good question! Paul clearly lets us know the manner in which we should
love our wives:
Ephesians 5:25 – 33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26that He might sanctify
and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not
having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28So husbands ought to love
their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but
nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His
bones. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become
one flesh.” 32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let each one of you
in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
This is a sobering command, and one we should not take lightly. The way that we love our wives should be a direct
reflection of how Jesus loves the church. To put it clearly and plainly – your wife should know what Jesus’ love is like
simply by the way that you show your love for her.
So what was Jesus’ love for the church like? Above all else, it was self sacrificing. Christ loved the church and gave
Himself up for her (See Ephesians 5:25). Husbands will start to love their wives as Jesus loved the church when they
start living self-sacrificing lives in marriage, and put their wives’ good ahead of their own.
There are many ways that you can put your wife’s good ahead of your own. Some are simple, some are a bit more
complex, and some are very much a self sacrifice of the highest order. Since each person’s “good” is going to be a bit
different than the next person’s, a good way to find out some answers is to simply ask our wives. Ask your wife if there
are any areas of your marriage where she feels that you are not loving her to the utmost. Then ask her if there are any
areas where she feels like you are putting yourself ahead of her and her good. You might not like the answers you get,
but by knowing those answers you will start to develop an idea of where you need to concentrate your efforts, and
where you need to start to make changes.
Also, another way to gain support and strength is to seek out a believer friend whose marriage you respect and look up
to. Meet together on a regular basis to pray about being a Godly husband. God consistently tells us in His word that
relationships and accountability are powerful tools for growth.
Priority #3: MANAGE YOUR FAMILY
Parents are advised to bring up their children in the fear and admonition (warnings or reprimands) of the Lord. Do not
make learning about God, or loving God a fearful thing, but gently teach them that obedience to God is demanded of
us. He is a God to be feared, but He is also a very loving God who will pour out His love and blessings on those that
follow His will and obey His commands. Teach your children well in these things. They will respect you for it more than
you will ever know.
Deuteronomy 6:6 – 7
6“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7You shall teach them diligently to your children,
and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up
Fathers in particular are commanded to instruct their children in the ways of the Lord, without getting too strict, too
stern, or too overbearing.
Ephesians 6:4
4And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
This verse contains an important contrast: Provoking children VS bringing them up in the training and admonition of the
Lord. Yes, children are
supposed to obey their parents, but Paul says NOT to make this difficult for them. Godly fathers are not dictators who
need to prove their authority by constantly giving orders and commands, and making new rules. Instead, a Godly father
will focus on helping their children understand who the Lord is. They want their children to know that God’s ways are
good ways, and that
His commands are for their own good, as well as the good of all those around them.
Stop and ask yourself these very important questions. The answers that you get will have a very strong bearing on
whether or not YOU are being a Godly father, or a wordly father.
1. Is my child learning more about God and His love at home, or somewhere OTHER THAN home? (school, church,
neighbor, friend, etc…) It is perfectly ok for your child to learn things about God and His wonderful love outside of the
home, but… they should be getting the BULK of their training and learning from YOU. They are sure to have questions
about all of the various things they hear outside of the home. Are you giving them the answers that they seek? If you
aren’t – who is?
2. Is the way I live my life, and the way I treat my family a positive influence on my child?
3. Is my child learning about God partly through the way I live my own life? Is my child seeing first hand the effects of
God’s love through me?
Since we are God’s children, we can look at our own relationship with God to see how our relationship with our own
children should be. As we grow stronger in our relationship with God, and as we grow in our understanding of how God
relates to us, we can start to grow in our understanding of how we should relate to our children.
Seek out a believer friend whom you think is a good example of a Godly father. Seek his counsel, his wisdom, and his
advice. The information that you will get, and the fellowship that blooms is invaluable. Do not get caught up in the belief
that “I can do it better”. No, you can’t. GOD can do it better. Seeking God and His wisdom will enable you to see your
shortfalls, and help you to realize the mistakes you are making. Sometimes the wisdom that God sends your way is the
counsel of another who has already walked in your shoes.
Priority #4: Provide For Your Family
The importance of providing for our family should not be missed. Paul is pretty clear about laziness.
2 Thessalonians 3:10 – 12
10For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. 11For we hear
that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. 12Now those
who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own
bread.
Now remember, Paul is not talking about someone who has recently been laid off, or is actively and earnestly seeking
work. He is talking about LAZY people. If you are not willing to work hard to provide for your family, how can you expect
God to provide for YOU?
Providing for our families can be challenging. On one hand, some of us find our jobs to be un-enjoyable, and even
frustrating. On the other hand, some of us let our jobs and our careers take priority over our relationship with God, our
wives, and our family.
The first thing to remember is that we are called to be faithful servants of Jesus Christ in whatever job we have. When
Paul wrote to Christians that were slaves, he had this advice for them:
Ephesians 6:7 – 8
7with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, 8knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive
the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.
Even if we don’t enjoy it, we need to be faithful to God in the work that He has provided for us. Think about this: At least
you have a job! Many, many men right now are out seeking employment, and are having a very rough time providing for
their families. Thank God for what He has given you, and stop complaining about not getting what you want.
Does this situation sound familiar? “I’ve worked hard for 10 years at this place. I’ve given these people everything I
have in me. They passed me up for promotion AGAIN. I’m just going to quit and let them be sorry that they didn’t
promote ME”.
This may sound silly, but trust me – when this thought is going through your head, there is nothing silly about it at all. It
is a very serious thought while it is happening, and many times the end result is exactly what the person has said it
would be. They quit.
There are two MAJOR things wrong with this type of attitude and thinking.
1. You have put this job, and yourself ahead of God. The fact that you did not let God handle this situation, and the
fact that you did not trust in God to do what is best for you is an absolute indication of this.
2. You have put this job and yourself ahead of your wife and family. You were willing to make a serious sacrifice to
your family without regards to them, or their well being. You are letting this become a personal issue, and the only thing
that matters right now is YOU and YOUR feelings. You are about to greatly effect your wife and family, and are going to
do so without even thinking about them.
A Godly husband/father will submit to the authority at work, and will assume whatever responsibilities and duties that are
assigned him. He will give all of his work related problems and attitudes over to God to handle, and will give his
employer his absolute best no matter what happens to him. He knows that God put him there for a reason, and he
should work diligently, and give his all to his employer. He knows that the Lord will reward him for the good that he does.
In a lot more cases than we want to admit, the employer will reward us for our hard work too. It may not be the reward we
WANTED, but it is a recognition and reward for our hard work nonetheless.
If we are letting our jobs and careers take a higher priority than our relationship with God, or our families, we need to
take a long, hard look at
our way of life. Of course there will be times when our work requires a lot of our time and efforts (especially in today’s
workplace), but too many times we make the mistake of feeding our egos and ambitions through our accomplishments
at work. We do this at the expense of our relationship with God, and our relationship with our wives and families.
Priority #5: BE INVOLVED IN CHURCH
Growing in our relationship with God comes from spending time in His word, time in prayer, and realizing that we are not
able to do these things on our own. We need help, support, and guidance.
One way to get help and guidance is through a Bible believing, Bible teaching church. If you are not currently attending
a Bible believing, Bible teaching church, find one. This is not as easy as it sounds. I searched for about a year before I
found a church that I believe is teaching what God’s Word truly says and means.
Once you find a church, seek out fellowship with other members. This fellowship will be instrumental in your spiritual
growth, as well as a catalyst for your personal relationship with God. You will be able to learn from others who are more
spiritually mature than you are, more experienced than you are, and more knowledgeable than you are. Seek a prayer
partner to strengthen your prayer life, and seek counsel and knowledge from couples whose marriage you see as “built
on the foundation of God”. This is absolutely essential to the spiritual well being of you and your family.
Involvement in a local church is not an option – it is a command!
Hebrews 10:24 - 25
24And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25not forsaking the assembling of ourselves
together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching