The Beginning Of It All In late June of 2003, I was sitting on my front porch just kind of thinking about my life. I was going over all the things in my life that I thought were great accomplishments, or of great importance. I came to the realization that it was all pretty meaningless to anybody but me. Even I didn’t look at these things very highly. It just seemed all so pointless and meaningless. I thought to myself that I really wanted to do something that would have some meaning in life, and really wanted to get myself closer to Jesus Christ. I have been a Christian for most of my life, but I was just a luke warm (at best) Christian. I wanted to be so much more. I had spent most of my Christian life as a Carnal Christian – living in the world. I knew that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, and that He came to die to pay for our sins, but I had a lot of trouble with the repentance part. I knew the things I was doing, saying, and thinking were wrong - I just didn’t seem to want to stop doing them. I kept thinking to myself that all of this is just “who I am”. I just kept drifting farther and farther away from Jesus Christ, and thinking less and less about Him. He had become a stranger to me, and I had lost my way. I only went to church when I felt I had to. After my dad passed away in 2001, I started escorting my mother to church. It was then that I started to think about my life, and what it could have, and should have been like. As I was sitting on my porch, thinking deeply about all of this, I began to pray. It was my usual casual conversation with God at first, then I just began to pour out my heart to Him. I told Him that I was so sorry that my life had not amounted to anything worthy of His service, and that I really wanted to be close to Him, and let Him lead my life. I had already made such a mess of my life, and now I was asking Him to help me get it back in order with His will. The more I talked to God, the deeper and more sincere I became. What happened next changed my life forever. The Holy Spirit revealed to my heart all of the things that were keeping me from being close to God, and all the things I needed to clear up before I could be in the presence of God. He wanted to embrace me so much, but I had put up barriers in my life that prevented Him from getting close to me. The Holy Spirit showed me those barriers, and one by one I began to pray that God would take those barriers out of my life so that I could walk closer with Him. I then fell on my knees on my front porch, and gave my all to Him. I literally had my back to my house, my wife, and all my possessions. I told God that He was important to me, and that none of the other things mattered at all in comparison to him. I told Him that I understood that all of those things behind me were really His, and that I was just the caretaker of it all. I removed myself from the ownership of anything that I had. As soon as I did that, He touched me in a way that I never knew was possible. Tears of joy were streaming down my face as I literally cried out to Him. I told Him that I would do anything He asked, at any time, no matter how hard the task was, or how high the cost would be to me. I was sincere in my heart, and he knew it. Over the course of the next few weeks, I started to buy praise and worship music to listen to. I was a die hard rock and roll fanatic, and I had to have my music to listen to every chance I could. Once I started to listen to the praise and worship music, I started learning the songs. I would sing them all day, every day. I would wake up in the morning and immediately start singing praise and worship songs, and I would go to bed at night still singing. Since then, I have not listened to rock music of any kind. I have no desire to hear it, and refuse to stay in a room where it is blasting away. I gave away over 200 hard rock CDs that I had collected, and have never looked back. He Took Me Up On My Offer!!!! In July of 2003, God gave me a message that I found exciting. I worked with area youth in my job, and I really loved helping the hard core teens and young adults that everyone else thought were “too far gone” to help. The Lord told me to hold a 2 day Crusade to reach out to the youth and young adults, and try to bring them closer to Him. He told me what to do, and how to do it. He also gave me an extremely short deadline for all of this! August 2 was the target date – about 2 weeks away. This incredibly small amount of time is unheard of when organizing an event such as this, but… when the Lord tells you to do something, you remain obedient, and just do it. He told me to prepare a message of salvation and hope for these youth, and after the services, to feed them (real food). I asked the new pastor of the church we were attending if we could use the sanctuary for this event. He was very reluctant at first, but the elders (present at the meeting) were very familiar with my father, and encouraged the pastor to let me use the facilities. The Lord told me to prepare for 600 youth. So… with the help of my wife, my mother, my sister, my brother, and a few people from my church, I proceeded to get ready for a 2 day crusade. I made up over 1,000 flyers to pass out, and I contacted every church in my area (well over 200 churches were contacted). I had several local youth pastors and pastors lined up to help out, and every single one of them backed out at the last minute. I now know that the Lord had a hand in that.  My pastor and his wife helped out a lot, and she eventually took over the organization of the event – 3 days before the Crusade was to take place! She got several people to do skits and dramas, and got a few people together to sing some praise and worship songs. The church worship band agreed to provide the music and videos for us, and all was set. We bought hot dogs and chili for 600, and proceeded to set everything up.   We got to the church early, set everything up, and listened to the band and the skit members practice their routines. When it was time to start the service, I looked around the church sanctuary, and all I saw was people who were actually going to participate in the service. No one came. Not a soul. Nada. My pastor was embarrassed, and his wife seemed irritated. I looked around at the empty room and smiled, then told God that I knew that He was aware that no one had shown up, and that even though it was a bust, I would joyfully do it all over again because He had asked me to. The praise and worship band played about 5 or 6 worship songs, and the few people that were still in the sanctuary had the most awesome praise and worship service that I have ever seen. After the worship service, I thanked everyone for their support and effort, and told them that God knew what He was doing. Most of those present were letting me know that they were so sorry that things turned out like they did, but they had no idea that I was bursting with joy and happiness, and was not the slightest bit disappointed, or sorry about anything. I had obeyed God, and did what was asked of me. I had no idea why things turned out like they did, nor did I have any idea if anyone would show up the second night or not. We proceeded to feed the people that were still there, and packed away everything for the second night. We had already moved everything back into a storage room inside the church when my pastor came to me and asked that we cancel the second night. He thought that it would be a waste of time to repeat the night’s events. My wife, my mother, and myself went back to the church the next morning and gathered up all of the stuff we had brought, and went home. I was still excited, and still very, very happy, even though things had not gone like I thought they would. God let me know that He was very pleased with me, and that He was testing my willingness to serve Him even when things don’t go as we think they should. He knew that the whole ordeal would be embarrassing, humiliating, and leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth that had helped me out. I was now a man that was a “risk” to anyone that thought about helping me do something like this again. I was an outcast, and was even told by a local youth pastor that he considered me a “one shot Johnny” because I had no real backing for this crusade (money, staff, or a church), and he decided not to waste his time on me. His loss, my gain! The blessings that I received from this were beyond measure!!!!!!!!!!! Called Into Service Again Over the next few months, I was on cloud nine with Jesus! I had never experienced so much joy and happiness in my life, and I was literally bursting at the seams with excitement. We searched for a new church to attend, and the Lord led us to a church that we had attended many years before. I knew the pastor and his family well, and it was close to home. Within a few weeks of starting there, I was given the position of Young Adult Minister. This in itself is an amazing thing, especially considering the fact that the pastor and his staff knew nothing of my spiritual fitness. I had not had contact with any of these people for a very, very long time, and suddenly, they were letting me into their inner circle, and leadership within the church. I asked myself, and God why I was there, and what could I possibly accomplish here? One Wednesday night while helping the youth pastor out at his service, I met the young man who led the praise and worship for the youth. As soon as I saw him, God told me that this young man was the reason I was there, and to just do as He asked me to do. God was using me to open a door for this young man that no one else at the church (or community) was wiling to open for him. God had a plan for this young man, and He was just waiting for a humble servant to use to get the ball rolling. I got excited, and proceeded to do everything I could to help this young man out. Unfortunately, this young man was not as willing to follow God’s will for his life as he thought he was. God had a plan, but this young man’s own plans for himself did not fit into the scheme of things. So, God shut the door that He had opened for this young man. I was very sad and disappointed for this young man. I still pray for him every chance I get. I know that God has some wonderful things He would like to do with him, but he must be willing to let God take over, and follow Him no matter what. I pray that one day he will let God have it all, and let God take over. Music? Me? You’ve Got To Be Kidding! Now about the first of January 2004, God put it deep into my heart to start learning how to play all of the popular worship songs on a guitar (these same songs that I had been listening to, and singing to myself for awhile now). This was very strange to me because I did not know how to play the guitar. I owned an old beat up guitar, but it had sat in the corner of my living room for about 18 years collecting dust. I never learned how to play more than a few simple chords, and I never had an interest in learning any more than that. I proceeded to find all of the music that I could for all of the popular worship songs. I was being obedient, and had no idea why God would ask this of me. I could not sing, and had no intention whatsoever of trying. I was not a singer, nor was I a musician by any stretch of the word. I had never sang in front of anyone, and was not about to start. I could not even begin to understand why God would want me to do this, but I was obedient to Him and did it with a joyful heart. I bought a new, fairly cheap guitar, and proceeded to learn how to play it (sort of). I then started learning how to play praise and worship songs. I would sit in my living room for hours and just play songs, and worship my Lord. If nothing else, it was the most beautiful worship times I have ever had with the Lord (up until that time). Lifting A Heavy Burden Life at my job had gotten incredibly stressful and harsh for me. I was working between 80 and 100 hours a week. I was bringing work home with me and working on it until the wee hours of the morning, every day. I was even working weekends at home trying to keep up with the demanding work load. I was at my breaking point, and one Sunday night I cried out to God for help. I told Him that I knew that He would never put a bigger burden on my shoulders than I could bear, but I just couldn’t bear this burden any more. I was at the point where I just could not go on anymore like this. I told God that a major change in my job, or employment had to take place because I just could not face this monster any longer. On Monday morning (the next day), I got a call at 9:00 AM from the head of our division. This man was not my immediate supervisor, but he was the top man in our whole area. He told me that he needed to see me in his office right then. His office was in another town, and I got in my vehicle and proceeded to drive the 30 or so miles to go see him. The whole time I was on the road, a sense of relief was coming over me. I was beginning to feel a peace in my very soul that I had not felt in awhile. I was calm, serene, and very much in a state of contentment when I got to his office. He called me in and informed me that my position had been eliminated, and effective at the close of business that day, I was officially unemployed. Now most people would get upset right about this point in time, but I was actually smiling, and very much contented. I visited with several of my co-workers at this site, and they commented that I seemed to be taking this all in a very good light. I was looking at things much differently than they were – I was well aware that God had delivered me from the burden that I could no longer bear. He knew that I could never resign this position (because of a promise I had made when I took the job in the first place), and He did what He knew was best for me. I went home that day and marked the date on my calendar as “Freedom Day”. I had been delivered! His timing is always perfect too! My last house payment was made from my last paycheck from this company. I would not have to worry about how I was going to pay my house note (being unemployed). Not only did He take away my heavy burden, He prevented another heavy burden with simple timing. GOD IS SOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!! You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet! About a month later (May 2004), I was sitting on my front porch thinking about how much I loved the Lord, and how much I appreciated all that He has done for me, and continues to do for me. I usually sing some praise and worship songs when I think about the Lord, and this time was no different. I was singing (silently, in my head) when suddenly the most beautiful song I had ever heard started playing in my head. I sat back for a minute or so and just listened. I had never heard this song before, and the music and the voices I heard were more beautiful than anything I had ever heard before in my life. The Lord then spoke to me and told me to get a pencil and paper and start writing this song down. I literally got a pencil out and started taking dictation. I did the best I could, but there was so much of the song that I did not remember, or didn’t quite get. The song began to play over and over again in my head. I wrote it all down, and then sat back and thought to myself  - “WOW!” Now what? I have all these words on a piece of paper, but that’s all I have. Then the melody began to play again in my head. I went in the house and got my guitar. I sat down and tried to figure out what chords would best match the song. After a while, I had managed to get a set of very simple chords pieced together. When I played the song, I could at least get the melody part right. I then proceeded to take the words and try to learn the song. This was the strangest experience I think I have ever gone through. I am not a musician, and I know nothing about music. I have no idea how to write down all this stuff, and I have no idea how to go about putting a song together. Before I knew it, I had a simple song in front of me. The hardest part of the whole ordeal was learning the song. I had a song in front of me,  that I had just written down, and I was now having to learn it! I did not think things could get any stranger than that. Boy was I wrong!!! Over the next 21 days (3 weeks) the Lord gave me 17 more songs to go with the first one (for a total of 18 songs). They all came the same way. They would play in my head, and I would have to write it all down as fast, and as best as I could. The Lord would replay these songs a lot so that I could get all of the info down. Then, I would get out my guitar and start learning how to play the melodies. It was getting tough to keep track of all of this, and I could not remember how the songs went. I also wanted some way of documenting these songs so that I could go back and listen, and learn them. Another reason I wanted to get them recorded some how was the fact that several people wanted me to play these songs for them. First of all, I was not about to sing in front of them, and second of all, I was sure I would get tired of singing these songs over and over again. It’s kind of like telling a story, and people walk in on the last part of it. They want you to start all over again for them. The Lord suggested that I get a small tape player out that I had way back in college, and start recording these songs as I learned how to play them. Then I could go back and listen to them again whenever I needed to. I did that for a few days, then I came across a computer program that records songs in a very simple format, using a very simple method. I literally hang a microphone from my ceiling, and hit the “Record Button”. The recorder picks up whatever sound is in the room, and records it. I play my guitar and sing the songs, and record them as I go. These are very basic, very simple, very crude recordings done in my living room/office area. But the recordings served their purpose. It Just Keeps Getting Better! One day, a lady approached me and handed me an envelope. She said that the Lord had instructed her to give me this envelope, and that I was to use its contents to get something that I needed, but would not buy on my own. She said I would know it when I came across it. I put the envelope away, and wondered what that was all about. A few days later, I was in a local electronics store. I went down an aisle that had keyboards and microphones. I stopped and looked at some cheap keyboards, and remembered that my sister had one. I knew that you could program some sounds into one of these keyboards, and make some background type music. I told my wife that I needed to call my sister when we got home and see if I could borrow her keyboard. When we got home, I called my sister, and sure enough she let me use her keyboard for a few days. I played around with it, and figured out how to program in some various sounds to produce a melody of sorts. It was a pretty cheap keyboard (as far as keyboards go), but it served its purpose well. A few days later, we were back in the electronics store, and I found myself back down that same keyboard aisle. I was looking for a keyboard that was as close to my sister’s as possible because she did not have an owner’s manual for hers. I wanted to look at one and get some information about how to use the keyboard. I saw some really nice keyboards, and started checking out all the fancy programs that each one had. I found one that I really thought would be neat to play with, and my wife said “Why don’t you get it”? I told her it was because that little bugger cost more money than we could spend on something like that (I was still unemployed). She opened up that envelope that had been given to us, and proceeded to pull out money. It was enough to buy the keyboard! The Lord let me know that it was going to become part of His plan for me, and that it would be part of the songs that He was giving me. Sure enough, many of the songs He has given me are played using the keyboard. Funny thing about all of it though, I did not then, nor do I now know how to play a keyboard. I have been looking for someone to give me lessons, but so far no one has been able to do so (for one reason or another). I figured out (with His help) how to program sounds, beats, and various chords to produce music. It is crude, but works well. Leave The Goodies Alone! Now the songs were starting to sound a lot better, but they were far from what I would call “quality”. I learned how to take the recordings on my computer and make CDs. It is a simple “burning” process, and takes little effort. I found that I could make copies of these songs in this manner and give them to my family and friends that were asking to hear these songs. The recordings are crude, but are enough to let them hear what the song sounds like. My disappointment in the whole ordeal was that the songs I hear in my head are absolutely beautiful and take your breath away. The music and the voices are far superior to anything I have ever heard from any professional artist. I would say they were  “angelic” in nature, and just so beautiful. All I had to offer when I recorded these songs was myself, my lack of ability to sing, my crude and basic guitar and keyboard playing, and a crude recording of the songs. I wanted people to hear what I hear in my head, but I had no way of getting it out the way I hear it. People just get to hear me, and not the beautiful music that I hear. I decided that I would go to a recording studio, use the “house band” and make these songs as professional and beautiful as I could. The Lord stopped me dead in my tracks and told me not to do that. He let me know that these songs were from Him, and that I needed to record them just like I had been, making copies of the CDs, and start handing them out to whomever wanted one. The power of the Holy Spirit is in these songs, and if I messed around with them, the power of the Holy Spirit would no longer be there. All that would be left is a simple man’s efforts to make music. The blessing would leave, and these songs would simply be nothing more than low quality, no talent, cheap recordings. There are already millions of these around, and adding to the bunch would make these songs disappear into the nothingness. “Freely You Have Been Given, Freely Give” I now make copies of these songs on my computer, burn CDs on my computer, and give them away (free of charge) to anybody that wants one. I made a simple CD cover and called the CD “Live From The Living Room” because that is where the recordings take place. I make no mention of myself, no pictures of me, or do anything that puts me in the spotlight. These are God’s songs, and He alone gets the credit. On each CD there is a very small copyright notation that has my name. This is there to protect the songs from people who might want to take these songs and try to make money off of them. I will allow anyone to use them, so long as they are not trying to use them to make money. So far, I have 28 songs, and they still keep coming. Now, the songs come a little differently than they used to. I get melodies, then words. Very rarely now do I get them both at the same time. Sometimes I get two or three at the same time, and I have to sort them out. It’s kind of like doing a puzzle. I have to fit the words with the melodies, and make the songs. I still just take dictation though, and after I get it all written out, I have to learn the song just like everyone else. One More Step In God’s Process I teach a couple of Bible Study groups, and our Thursday night group sings praise and worship songs before we get into the lesson. My father started this group many years ago, but after he passed away in 2001, there was no one left to teach it. It broke up until earlier this year when I started the group back up. Since I was playing all of these praise and worship songs at home (alone), and since I knew that somewhere, somehow, the Lord was probably going to have me singing in front of somebody before this was all over with, I decided to lead the praise and worship during the Bible Study. I knew all of the people at the Bible Study, and knew that this would be a good place to start singing in front of people. I looked at it as “getting my feet wet” so to speak.  There are only a handful of people, but I was never so nervous in all my life. Singing in front of people was the most difficult thing that I have ever done in my life. I was all choked up, missed simple chords, and sounded very bad (worse than normal).  But it was a start. I had no intention of trying to make an impression on anyone with talent, because there is none. I was simply trying to get myself able to sing in front of people without totally breaking down with stage fright. About 3 months after I started singing in front of these close friends and family (at the Bible Study), I saw an ad in the paper for a new church that was starting up. I called the number listed to ask some questions about the church and the pastor. I had lunch with the pastor, and I liked what I heard about his vision for the church, and his vision for the people of the church. I invited him to our Thursday night Bible Study, and he came. Right after the Bible Study that night, he asked me if I would consider being the Praise and Worship Leader at his church. Me, a Praise and Worship Leader – at a church no less!!! I was floored, and at the same time, in awe at God’s way of doing things. I was also scared to death. I knew that I was about to have to overcome this great fear of singing in front of people, and this was the Lord’s way of giving me an opportunity and a venue for doing so. I agreed to do this, as long as the pastor understood that I was not going to be like every other Praise and Worship leader in the area, and just “perform” the top 40 worship songs playing on the radio. I told him that I considered this position to be very important to the church, and to him as a pastor because it would be my job and my responsibility to bring the congregation into a state of praise and worship before the Lord. Not only does the praise and worship portion of the service bring the people closer to the Lord, it also sets the tone, the mood, and the atmosphere for the pastor to preach his message, and to get the hearts of the congregation ready to hear the Word. Setting up on the platform each Sunday morning and just performing praise and worship music is not how this is done. It takes special people to be praise and worship leaders, and I was very nervous about taking on this responsibility and this position. I kept thinking to myself that I am not a singer, I am not a musician, and I am not sure that I can “perform” well enough to do this. The Lord told me to forget performing, and just get up there and pour my heart out to Him each service, and let Him take care of the rest. I Can’t Wait To See What’s Next! So here I am, the Praise and Worship Leader at a church, singing and praising the Lord in front of people I don’t know. I still get very nervous, but as time goes by it gets better. We have the most beautiful Praise and Worship services now – not because of me, but because He brings His presence in our midst. When He does that, you can’t help but get deep into worshipping Him. I am thoroughly enjoying myself, and every time I play music now, anywhere, I get into a state of praise and worship. It is the most awesome feeling in the world to serve my King as He prepares the way in front of me. I have learned that no matter what, He is always there, and always taking care of me. As long as I continue to follow His ways with all my heart, and as long as I allow myself to be used by Him in any way that He wishes, I will continue to grow closer to Him each day.  I have found that as I grow closer to Him, my love for Him grows each day. I wish for nothing in this world except to serve my King and please Him. I wake each morning and give thanks to Him for allowing me another day to love Him, serve Him, share His word and His ways with others, and feel His presence with me. May the love and the passion that I have for Jesus Christ touch your heart, and may it be found in you as well. God bless you. His humble servant, James DuHamel